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Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets?
I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
Money can buy imitation happiness. I’m cool with that.
Don`t give me a sec, give me lots of secs.
One of the major benefits of using a combined 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner is having enough room leftover on the shower caddy for the beer.
Technology is outpacing my ability to come up with convincing lies that I didn`t get your message.
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
Fitness nuts have to do an entire marathon to feel a runner`s high..... I just have to bend over and tie my shoes.
Good things come to those who wait ... Which explains why I`m always late.
I’m awkward when people compliment me. “Nice hair” “Thanks, I grew it myself”
It`s as if none of these people have ever seen a beer hat at the gym before.
Life is too short for fake butter, cheese or people.