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Dad, I love how we don`t even have to say out loud that I`m your favorite. Happy Fathers Day!
500 + friends... and not one of you saw where I put the remote?
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I`m not a good liar.
The guy who invented the Time Machine has just died.... RIP DAVE JONES 2187-2014
Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.
I didn`t break the rules. They were broken when I got here.
received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don´t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
Just seen this girl walk into a lamp post! I could have stopped her but that wouldn`t have been funny would it
This post was going to be really funny but I didn`t write it down because I was totally sure I`d remember it.
People are obsessed with this storm but in a couple months no one will talk about it anymore, which is why they named it after the movie Juno.
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
My wife must have some big surprise vacation planned. She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed.