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Do you ever just look at a girl and instantly know she posts her daily horoscope on Facebook and quotes Marilyn Monroe?
If you can`t fix it with duct tape or beer ... it ain`t worth fixin`
Dear neighbor mowing your yard this morning, I found my bagpipes for tonight.
Those who stir the sh*t-pot should be made to lick the spoon!
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
I have this talent of getting tired without doing nothing.
Is it weird to get naked during a massage? At what point can I ask the masseuse to put his pants back on?
If anybody asks, I was on Facebook all night tonight, okay? Thanks for having my back, everyone.
Sometimes my kid likes me, but I`m pretty sure it`s only because I`m his Oreo dealer.
Life..it`s just an `F` in lie....
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
Nothing says "friend zone" quite like a girl saying "you`re like a brother to me." (Disregard this message if you`re from Alabama)
I may or may not have just "Whipped my Hair Back and Forth".......
I will never forget the day when she said yes to me because that was the last time we agreed on anything.
In the trailer for the fourth Transformers movie a guy says "what the hell is that" when a Transformer approaches. THE FOURTH MOVIE!