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We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
Sign: "No alcohol past this point." Translation: Bet you can`t chug this entire beer, right now.
Actually baby, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend
Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn`t sing it out loud in public
I almost got raped in jail last night. My family takes Monopoly very seriously.
Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
NO, I didn`t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
With all the potato chip flavors available now, I see no point in buying actual food...
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
is confused. Oh wait, maybe not.
Just once I want my boss to assume I`m tired in the morning because I fight crime all night, not because of all the booze I drank.
ever notice that on a phone the word "mom" is 666?
Jokes on you hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station`s phone number I just won Harlem Globetrotter tickets and a Bud Light poncho.
She lost me at, "I don`t watch football."