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"The more the merrier!" usually means "oh, you overheard us making those plans, huh?"
Before having any kids make sure you’re done sleeping and doing things you like to do.
Stall Cleaning service, Satisfaction guaranteed or 100% or you manure back!
Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
My wife thinks I`m at work. My boss thinks I`m home sick. These ducks think I`m awesome because I have the bread.
Still no news on the royal baby. One will assume its being delivered by Royal Mail
Hating people takes too much energy. I just pretend they`re dead
Old is when you start thinking about the things you used to do more than the things you’re going to do.
The only thing I`ve learned from scary movies is to avoid pale children
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
Do you have to water a Pointsettia or do they die on their own?
I wonder where superman changes now that there are no more phone booths
So, you`re telling me that the Grammys aren`t cute little bags of cocaine?
I went to the Dr today with severe headaches .. he asked if I suffered from any memory loss. I said "How the F would I know?"