Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I won the lottery, I could make a whole lotta people miserable
My spirit animal is that chicken who keeps crossing the road for reasons no one can figure.
Married 24 years now. All I recall about my wedding day is something about death.
Sometimes all you need, is 500 million dollars.
Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
That moment when you are having a conversation in your head and you realize you are making faces that go along with the silent conversation.
It’s a strange moment, when you realize that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals, birds, and insects desperately trying to get laid.
There’s nothing better than when someone you know walks by without recognizing you.
Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last movie you watched.
Someone’s going to ruin things; it might as well be me.
No horror movie can surpass the sensation of touching your pockets and not feeling your cell phone.
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
If Mary Poppins floated in on an umbrella today, they`d shoot her out of the sky with a drone.
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?