Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I know they didn`t ask for it, but I sent a stool sample in with my tax returns.
I was in a bar when a girl called me a cheapskate. So I threw her drink in her face.
You call it "Road Rage". I call it "Aggressively maneuvering around a$$holes that don`t know how to f*cking drive."
Have you ever laughed so hard that no sound comes out and you sit there clapping your hands like a retarded seal?
My problem? Smart phones are too smart.
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
Anyone who wastes my time is a clocksucker.
The first step is admitting you’re a problem.
The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor.
Hey rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.
The text message is the new greeting card, but without any hope that there will be money inside.
I want to get a welcome mat for my front door that just says "Text Me"
Those "Speed Enforced by Aircraft" signs don`t understand how eager I am to get pulled over by an F-16.
If Shakespeare is correct and "all the world is a stage" then I seriously would like to be in control of that trap door.
I secretly like days when none of my Facebook friends have birthdays.