Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just love having sex with you...Next time I hope you are there with me.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found.
I`m in hospital after eating what i thought was onions instead they were daffodil bulbs. Its ok doctors say i will be out in spring.
Golf, except there`s no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink.
I only accept apologies in cash.
If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.
My bank account is more like a countdown to my homelessness
New College Admissions Test ______ not getting into this college: A. Your B. Ur C. You`re D. U`re
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they looked.
Soccer is just like my sex life. Long periods of time with no action followed by pure shock & surprise by all parties involved when I score.
I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way ... Through the driver’s door.
A small child called 911 upon seeing a zebra because he thought a horse escaped from jail
Actually officer, if you factor in the earth`s rotation, we were all speeding.
A homeless man just asked me if I was having a bad hair day, so I took my dollar back.