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Pick any number. Multiply it by two. Now add 12 to it. Divide it by 3. Now change it to 10. That`s how many seconds you just wasted.
The best thing about telepathy is…I know, right?
One man`s sarcastic answer, is another man`s stupid question
I think it`s safe to assume that people buying stock in twitter have never actually been on twitter.
Do stupid people ever hit a point in their life, where they realize they’re stupid?
I just realized there are more toes in the world than people
If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to kids. Old girlfriends tend to get offended. Who knew?
So it`s racist to call a team Redskins but it`s okay to call a restaurant Cracker Barrel ?
Jesus, take the wheel. Carlos, you take the stereo & I`ll take lookout.
I don´t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
I bet when spiders see those fake green cob webs on Halloween they must be like "Ugh, tourists".
I`m not interested in anything that requires 5 hours of energy.
We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we`re terrified people in real life will find us on the internet
My "Savings Account" is just several pairs of unwashed jeans on the floor that may or may not still have change in the pockets.