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3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
So much to say. So not drunk enough to say it.
Funny how drinking 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers, and 6 shots, go down like a fat kid on a see-saw.
$5.99 Trojan condoms or $19.99 Huggies diapers. Choose wisely...
What’s a drunken pirates worst nightmare? A sunken booty with no chest.
Hope you don`t mind if I make transformer sound effects when we switch positions.
Pretending to be nice is exhausting...
Who wants to do something we will regret in the morning? Anyone?
Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
Sometimes I can’t remember what parking lot I left my car in at the mall so I get it Malaysia Airlines…I totally get it.
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I’m always ready for bed
If you’re a millionaire and you don’t have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool then you should just give me all of your money because you’re wasting it
What idiot called it a driver`s test and not a Game of Cones?
No thanks, NASCAR. If I wanted to spend 8 hrs watching a car drive around in a big circle, I`d go on a road trip with my mom.
You don`t need to use your words if you`re carrying a machete. People just seem to figure it out.