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My wife started clipping coupons to help save money. She keeps them in the side pocket of her $800 purse.
Click Like, if you hate being told what to do.
"Don`t make me regret this." -things I think when accepting a friend request.
If you sneeze near an atheist, they just say "science appreciates you".
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
There`s a word for people like you ... "leave"
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways
Never compliment a woman on her sideburns ... no matter how magnificent they look.
I`m not a gamer, but I can be as lazy as one.
The bottle of Pepto Bismol say’s 4 out of every 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one of them enjoys it?
I`m that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
To be clever can be difficult without caffiene.
The easiest way to distract a woman is to show her a picture of herself.
My mind is telling me nooo... But my body... My body`s telling me yesss...BABY. Cashier: Sir...would you like fries with that or not?