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I`m running low on funny but I have plenty of sexy left.
Please don`t wear skinny jeans if you don`t have skinny genes.
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
I`m working out my budget and, provided I don`t live past Tuesday, I can retire relatively comfortably!!!
This beer tastes like Iām going to text you later.
If your cup is only half full, you probably need a smaller bra.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much shit to carry.
I dont pay for cabs if Iām too drunk to drive. I find the nearest Dominos, order a pizza delivery to my house & ask for a ride home with it.
The Teen Choice Awards air last tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren`t allowed to vote.
Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it`ll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I`ll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I`m selling potatoes
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
Actually officer, if you factor in the earth`s rotation, we were all speeding.
I wish college was 5 easy payments of $19.99
If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple `Thank you.` is all I need! Not all this `How did you get in my house?` business!
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.