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Hey I just met you... And this is Crazy... But this is a nice restaurant... So, Silence your baby!
Sarcasm: because snapping a neck is frowned upon in a court of law.
Ill be in my office giving co-workers the silent treatment ..by sending them blank emails.
I bet the hardest part of working the poison control hotline is not finishing your sentences with "...you ignorant dumbass"
I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th, because I know how to reduce fractions unlik the rest of you morons.
I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s a super hero.
Have you noticed that it`s only the married squirrels that hurl themselves in front of your car......
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
Today is "find your active cavity at 50% off" day at your local store.
Not to brag, but Netflix recommends certain movies just for me.
Some guy waved to me and then walked up and said, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” .... I said, “I am.”
I don’t want to think I’m getting old or anything, but all the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting out of bed.
Family and Friends - I am FAR too busy to listen to any of your problems or concerns *Googles do penguins go to heaven?*
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.