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Forrest Gump forever changed the way I pronounce buttocks.
Put on my workout clothes before going to the donut store just to give the impression I earned this.
The most expensive part of having kids is all the booze I drink.
She was rare, like an onion ring in french fries
Shout out to people who are hard of hearing.
Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel is just a lost guy with a flashlight.
I don`t know what I`d do without coffee...Probably twenty five to life in the state penitentiary.
Don`t Follow Me, I`m Lost Too
Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.
A group hug in my family means someone wants to use you as a napkin.
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"
We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch
The Spanish version of the Subway jingle “65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…
I hope daylight savings time hasn`t thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing.