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At hotels, you can either take a helicopter tour of the city or drink the bottle of water on the table. They cost the same.
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I`ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I`m still fat.
Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be “doesn’t know how to follow directions.”
There`s nothing like sitting by an open fire..watching the evidence burn.
The best occupation to work from home as: Bartender.
I spent at least half an hour trying to get my girlfriends bra off. I will never try wearing that again.
You’ll never be as young as you are now.
I don’t mind going to work. It’s that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.
Why can`t Miss Piggy count to 100? Cuz` when she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her throat!
How to cuss a kid out... "Shut the fudge up you little astronaut! You son of a batch of cookies! What the helicopters are you doing?!"
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
I`m pretty sure if you watched a movie of my life backwards it probably would be about a guy who refills beer cans and puts them in the fridge.
Every day is just a new opportunity to eat pizza.