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Most problems can be solved with nudity
Just remember the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your talent
A synonym is a word you use when you can`t remember how to spell the other word.
If my job was to make health questionnaires, I`d slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
So you think you can study with your facebook activated? That`s cute! ^.^
Car horns were invented 1% for safety and 99% because people get pissed off sometimes and need to let a mofo know.
Nothing screams DUI like wearing a really nice suit on a city bus.
"That wasn`t chicken in the Chow Mein" I`d make a great Fortune Cookie writer.
New research reported that men enjoy snuggling. A second study showed that men will say anything to get a researcher into bed.
At the urinal, please keep your eyes forward and your conversations limited to weather, sports or beer.
Sometimes I think I’m too picky. Then I watch my dog look for a place to poop.
It`s always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, "I love you" and they`re like, "thank you for choosing Domino`s."
I was trying to have a mature arguement but "look, you ignorant f*cktard" just popped out
The awkward moment when you realise you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway.
The sun and I have an understanding. He gets up before I do.