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Working from home means I save money on train tickets and pants, but spend more on vodka and pizza.
So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
It takes a smoke detector 4 months to stop beeping if you were wondering how lazy I am.
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
Sometimes I take a bath because it’s hard to drink wine in the shower.
Excuse me but which level of Hell is this?
This cashier looked at my 12 bottles of weed spray so weirdly, I suspect she`s never broken a lawnmower before.
Every night before bed I do this cute little thing where I stare at the Internet for 6.5 hours
When ever I think about the past...It brings back so many memories
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
Calling out your ex`s name during sex is a nice way to show your current lover that you won`t forget them after you break up.
If you’re a douchebag, it’s so easy to find the right hat.
I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.