Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why do TV shows say "May contain nudity"? It either does or doesn`t. Don`t make me watch the entire thing and find out the hard way it doesn`t....
Dear college students, Sorry about your GPA. - Netflix
I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
Whenever I hear that customer service calls are going to be recorded I do one of my raps because I`m too poor to pay for studio time
If anyone is interested, I’ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 1:00 PM until I’m escorted out by security.
If my fridge had glass doors I would still stand there and hold the door open.
Cats have tails so you can swing them around. Duh.
I am better off now than I was 4 beers ago...
WebMD auto dialed an ambulance when I entered my chicken nugget intake.
I just saw a disclaimer that said "don`t try this at home", so I tried it at my neighbors house.
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"
"Sir your phone`s ringing." "Yeah, phones do that."
My whole life is based on a true story...
Whoever said "Just showing up is half the battle" (a) didn`t understand battles and (b) probably died quickly after showing up.