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They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
I sleep better when I`m naked why can`t my boss understand this?!
Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.
Wtf? I was always told to treat people the way I want to be treated.. Stupid sexual harassment charges pending.
I can`t believe I was late for work tomorrow..
At least thirty percent of my workout is spent picking a different song.
This town is about as exciting as watching an M&M melt in the sun.
I`m pretty sure the phrase "Did I say that out loud?" is just a way of adding an exclamation point.
You are not a "Food Blogger", you`re a "Fat a$$ with a laptop"
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible
Free snow at my house. Shovel all you want!
Tupperware is so handy for those times when you feel like throwing out your food another day.
Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.
We live in a time where "He is hot" is more important than "He is a nice guy."
Sexual education classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours straight while watching the same cartoon on repeat.