Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My kids refuses to play with the Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM.
i just accidentally used AOL online, im betting the workers there are celebrating and think they have a chance in the future. lol
Marriage, because sometimes ruining a person`s life takes serious commitment.
He was like, `We`re all slowly dying` So I was like, `WRONG` and I threw him in front of a moving bus.
I`m pretty sure if someone broke into my house, my dog would just show them how much he likes to lick his balls
The neighbor`s cat seems to think my flower bed is his litter box. I`ll fix that furry little bugger. I mixed 44 packages of pop rocks into the soil. And now we wait....
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
You know you`re poor when you sneak into Sam`s Club with some random family just to eat samples for lunch. Yay... Christmas
When I have a yard sale I play the theme song to Sanford & Son with a boombox on my porch.
Sorry I missed your call ... I was to busy singing and dancing to the ringtone
Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious
Just saw a homeless dude with a sign reading "Hungry Hungry Hobo"... I shouldn`t laugh right?
Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.
Just because she weighed as much as two women doesn`t mean you had a threesome