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Im at a beer tasting today..so far they all taste the same out of this case...well done Budweiser...well done!!
I told my psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don`t have a psychiatrist.
According to Tetley the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag so i slap her arse and shout "cup ot tea fatty"
I’ve been a sucker for boobies since the day I was born.
Perhaps Voldemort’s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
I`m on a pepperoni pizza cleanse.
Crazy people are never aware of their own insanity. I’m so glad I’m not a crazy person.
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
I think even hospital gowns cover more than my insurance does...
Remember all those times I said "wow, that`s cool!"? What I really meant was, "shut the f*ck up, I hate you."
I like to flush the toilet a few times when I`m on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again
"You should`ve come with us!" well, inviting me would`ve helped..
My favorite exercise is somewhere between a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
"Are u going to the circus?" is a perfectly good sentence when not used as a follow-up 2 your wife`s question: "how does my make-up look?"
<-- Is my name! Isn`t it awesome!?