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Do you think that the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "if you build it they will come"?
The sun isn`t the only thing that rises in the morning...if you know what I mean ;)
"I have to go eat cake now", should be a perfectly valid reason for leaving a social occasion where cake has not been provided.
Eventually we’re just gonna have to accept “ducking” is a swear word.
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
Warning: I just get weirder.
Never tell a lie ... unless it is absolutely convenient
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I`m still looking.
Do the other settings on the washer actually do anything?
I`ve never watched CSI because I learned everything I need to know about solving crimes from watching Scooby Doo
If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
Swearing: because sometimes "golly gee" and "meany" just don`t cut it.
There are no absolutes in this world. Except vodka.