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Unlike milk, it is acceptable to cry over spilled beer.
On the bright side, I`m relieved we live in a society where we acknowledge that the people who make sandwiches are artists.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
I was shocked when I heard the local Radio Shack is closing. Mostly because I had no idea we had one.
The closest I`ve come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
I ruined my health by drinking to everyone else’s.
If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
ooooh boy, Mother`s Day hangovers...always the worst huh?!