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Jimmy is short for James? This is where I think English is stupid. They have the same number of letters. Do they even know what short means?
I`m pretty sure all dogs can smell drugs. It`s just that most of them aren`t snitches.
When people said they sleep like a baby, it`s because they do not have one.
Life is what happens when your cell phone is charging.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting...
It`s so cold outside I had to put Jack in my Coke to keep it from freezing.
Give a kid a Pop Tart and they eat for a day. Teach a kid how to make a Pop Tart and you sleep in all summer
Do you remember that creepy guy who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
Dear ladies, Not trying to impress you or anything, but I make my own sandwiches.
Went by the bank today and the female teller was flirting with me which was weird considering she saw my account balance.
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.
Dear Cashier, you should stop giving me attitude and acting like you`re job is so complicated and stressful....Self-Checkout has proven that pretty much Anyone can do your job.
I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I`m impecunious.