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Why hasn`t anyone invented a button next to the snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people so where my tolerance level is at.
Being rich doesn`t equal happiness but i`d rather cry in a ferrari
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can’t pronounce it.
if the shoe fits wear it , if it too tight take it off
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don’t be mad, I’ll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you.
Waiting for the day when a girl finally says that I’m “the one,” but isn’t talking to a police officer.
I gave up my Ego, because I am so much better than that..................
Does the 5 second rule apply to soup? Please answer quickly!
It’s hard to tell if I’m dealing really well with life these days or if I just don’t give a sh!t.
I was told there would be kool-aid.
When I think of all the money I’ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
“People will believe anything if you whisper it.”
I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.
Men at 25 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 play golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller?