Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sent my ex a card that said, "Get better soon." He`s not ill, just really crappy in bed.
Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn, went to 2 Birthday parties, ran 6 miles, then told a bunch of lies on Facebook.
I thought I was having déjà vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
Do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don`t have to be there
FACT: Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you’re brave enough.
Instead of calling it the John, I call my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
Waiting for the day when a girl finally says that I’m “the one,” but isn’t talking to a police officer.
I`ve never gone to bed with an ugly woman. Woken up to a whole bunch of them though.
I am 5 for 5 on popping my trunk instead of unlocking the fuel door at the gas station.
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
There are many different ways one can save energy. I normally use the couch.
Tonight I`m playing hard to get off the sofa.
If it makes you feel better, don’t call it “Premature Ejaculation.” Call it “Speed Dating”
I`m not sarcastic…I`m just intellegent beyond your understanding.
If you love something,, let it go..... That`s EXACTLY what I`ve done with my body....