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Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.
Always crush and snort your first pill on the pharmacy counter to make sure they`re not passing you some fake sh!t.
Watching a funny movie after watching a scary one too try to reduce the risk of nightmares.
It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big."
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
I enjoy going to costume parties that have a theme. ..."Nude Beach" is my personal favorite.
My downstairs neighbor thinks I`m a little creepy and that I overstep my bounds. At least that`s what she wrote in her diary.
Don`t bother trying to figure me out...not even the little voices in my head understand me...it`s pointless.
I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I`m up to 1 hour a day. I`m slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.
Accept the craziness. Life will be a bore without it.
I do love you for your mind, I just like your mind a lot more when you’re naked.
It`s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
Talk to your kids about drugs. Maybe they have better connections than you.
Whenever you`re powerless, remember: A single one of your pubic hairs can shut down a restaurant.