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FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
www.amish.com. How did this happen?
My favorite hobbies are practical jokes and masturbation. I’m always trying to pull a fast one
I was sad, because I had no shoes. Until I met a man that had no feet. So, I took his shoes, cuz hey, he wan`t using them anyway!
Gonna start a new job tomorow at a archaelogical site, I know I`m gonna dig it.
Reminiscing isn’t as fun as it used to be.
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
my friends status was "standing on the edge of a cliff" ... so I poked him
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I`m not even an afternoon person.
Its Friday ... my body is in for a much-needed drinking session
Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.
Being handed a flyer is the offline version of a pop-up ad.
What I’m really looking for in a friend is loyalty. And a pool. Mainly just a pool.