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I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed.
99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
It saddens me to think that I`ll never be able to watch my own a$$ as I walk away :(
i hate not being able to correct the typo i just made in my previous statues update......DAMN IT! I JUST DID IT AGAIN!
As I get older my tastes are changing, for instance I used to not like brussels sprouts but now I don`t like people.
Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
Apparently beer contains female hormones. After you drink enough you can neither drive nor shut the hell up
No one needs a vacation from me more than me.
Overwhelming scientific evidence suggests a startling number of people are capable of ignoring overwhelming scientific evidence.
Happy Fat Tuesday! Join me again tomorrow on I`m still fat Wednesday
Give a man a jacket, and he will stay warm when he goes outside. Teach a man to jack it, and he won`t go outside at all.
I`ve decided!! Iām giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
If you can read this please let me know - because it means I blocked the wrong person.
Why do people freak out about dolphins getting caugh in tuna nets? What about the tuna?
My reaction to stepping in dog sh!t is identical to me logging onto Facebook