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(For women only) Wants to go on the Maury Povich show and hear, "You are NOT the mother!"
This status update is only available in English.
Sorry, I`m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way.
I hate Russian nesting dolls. They`re so full of themselves
Slow dancing with a fat girl? More like moving a fridge by yourself.
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I`d totally be expecting some change back.
Just when I think my confidence couldn`t be shakier, some shitty website tells me I have a "Weak Password"
The Four Seasons, by Facebook: Spring: LOOK FLOWERS! Summer: LOOK AT MY DASHBOARD TEMP! Fall: LOOK LEAVES! Winter: MORE DASHBOARD PICS!
I really think there should be a separate driving lane for those of us running solely on caffeine and rage.
When the only light in your world is suddenly gone …it’s time to recharge your phone.
Note: the 5 second rule does not apply to soup.
I inherited my dad`s sense of humor. He`s not funny either.
The best thing about telepathy is.. I know, right!
"That`s too much bacon." -Nobody ever
It’s sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his crappy ACME gadgets, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.