Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just called. To say. I texted you.
Ever have the experience of staring at an outfit hanging in your closet and wondering which of the personalities did the shopping that day?
I never get nervous or embarrassed. That`s just some sh*t that sober people who leave the house have to worry about.
Saying "I`m offended" is basically telling the world you can`t control your own emotions so everyone else should do it for you.
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: Oh... I have nothing to say, I just crave the spotlight.
I thought 70 was the new 50, but the cop still gave me a ticket.
I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
I hate when the weather man says there is a chance of sprinkles in the forecast...makes me want donuts!!
Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw.
Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
Thanks to yesterday`s chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall.
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.
I have no idea what swag is, but I`m fairly certain what I have is the opposite of whatever it is.
Ever noticed that `beer can` in a british accent sounds exactly like `bacon` in a jamaican accent?