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“I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullshit”.
Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
Friends are like snowflakes.... if you pee on them they disappear.
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
What a lovely winter we`re having this spring.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks, why is there a light in the fridge??
Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
My level of sarcasm has reached a dangerous level where even I don`t know if I`m kidding or not.
No, whenever there`s trouble, YOU always seem to be around ... officer.
Is it bad when I´m talking to myself and I´m not even listening?
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
If you see a porcupine in your yard, that`s my cat and we`re not done with our accupuncture session.
Why aren’t mustaches called mouth brows?
Neil Armstrong said "One small step for man...". I would`ve just said "OH MY GOD, I`M ON THE MOON!!!!!!".