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The boss keeps talking about a company 401k ... I don`t think I can run that far
My brain is giving me the silent treatment
You had me at, "we`ll make it look like an accident."
Yes I am a bad boy ... But your the one that`s going to get spanked.
This by far is your most f*ck up idea ever ... I`ll be there in 10 minutes.
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
I finally figured out how to get rid of that annoying sound in my car. I opened the door and pushed her out!!
Girls are like parking spots all the good ones are taken and the rest are to far away
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today`s responsibilities tomorrow`s problem.
Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?
Maybe one day a loooong time ago a kid decided to play hide and seek with his pet Bigfoot but just didn`t explain the game properly.
I`d love to have kids one day. Two days, tops.
I found a penny today that reminded me of you. Totally worthless and always in a stranger`s pants.
Anyone who calls it a "day off with the kids"... Either has no kids or doesn`t know what "day off" means.