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Facebook is like Chinese food. When you think you had enough, you want more.
I send more time looking for porn than actually watching it.
I like it like that
I wish I had a dollar for every dollar I don`t have.
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
My living room is pretty much a fat camp without rules.
Monopoly: Destroying friendships since 1904
My wife said to go out and buy something that makes her look hot & sexy for Valentine`s Day! So I got drunk.
I`m not saying your cat doesn`t care about you, I`m saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well.
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
I`d like to thank the bars for being there for me.
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.
I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.
There`s a thin line between "I should write a status about that" and "I should talk to my therapist about that"....
I wasn´t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I feel