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Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
Teleportation seems like an awesome idea until the creepy guy from down the street is suddenly washing your back in the shower.
Seriously, ladies. If you just stop sleeping with douchebags eventually their species will go extinct. Look at the big picture here.
feels like getting some work done ... so I am sitting down until the feeling passes.
Just think: right now, your body is cookin` up some poop.
No matter how old you are ... swingsets are cool.
Facebook. Where people can express thoughts that otherwise might get them fired, divorced, thrown in a loony bin or all three.
Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.
I really like my new electric toothbrush, even though sometimes, I still break out the acoustic.
Attractive Woman: What time is it? Me: Haha. Yeah definitely
what is the first thing a homeless person does when he`s on a computer? he searches through the recycle bin
Don`t judge me just because I sin differently from you.
Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
That akward moment you try and deep throat a banana and get caught ... and your a dude.
The hardest part of carving a pumpkin nowadays is finding some newspaper to spread