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All I`m saying is, I`ve never seen my ex and Satan in the same room together.
Your personality needs alcohol.
Music that is meant to be played at a reasonable volume is completely pointless.
So many idiots, so few nuclear warheads....
I bet the first person that heard a parrot talk really lost their sh!t.
I wonder how long I`ll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I`ve been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
The older I get the more use I have for the phrase "bite me."
All true wisdom is found on T-Shirts.
The worst part about being single is always doing what I want. Anytime. Anywhere. With whomever. That sucks.
Inventor of camping: "Hey, let`s go pretend to be homeless."
I hav 10 fingers bt i usd only.. the thumb to write this...!
A dirty mind is f*cking beautiful!
Money went much further in the 1980s when you could peel the price stickers off milk cartons and stick them on anything you needed
I was really pissed at my girlfriend for not calling me all day. Then I remembered she`s imaginary. So I`m good.