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We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Just remember the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your talent
Taking selfies is a lot of work when you’re not attractive.
I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
The guy who invented wet t-shirt contests probably has no idea that shirts can just be taken off.
Timehop... reminding us that the stupid people we know today were just as stupid 5 years ago.
Save your breath ... You`ll need it later to blow up your date.
Police officer: Ma`am do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I`m just as confused as you are.
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
I’m Not Arguing. I’m Simply Explaining Why I’m Right.
I`m so bitchy right now ... I won`t even talk to myself!!
Someone invited me to their dog`s birthday party on Saturday. What a freak! I am NOT coming to your dog`s birthday party! Besides, my cat is getting married that weekend!
The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.
if your morning beverage isn`t half booze/half coffee, you`re doing Saturday wrong.
It`s only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.