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If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years. Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer
Saw my Ex with some guy at a bar last night... so I ordered a beer, took a few sips then gave her date the rest of my drink... Walked away.
The universe contains protons,neutrons,electrons and morons.
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth
Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?
"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille
Every day can be Friday if you`re really irresponsible.
When I tell stories about people I don’t like, I give them ridiculous voices.
Smiling gives you wrinkles. Resting bitch face keeps you pretty.
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
80% of my status updates are BS, 15% are bologna and 5% are 100% straight from the heart.
Secret Web Cam Test: Please nod your head yes if you can read this.
Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....
I don`t want it to seem like I`m trying to get rid of you, but GO AWAY!!