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A world without women would be a pain in the a$$.
Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
This headache feels like dumb people
Sometimes I wanna copy someone´s status word for word and see if they notice.
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out
How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?
Ask me about my ability to annoy complete strangers.
Apparently, "Step up your game" isn`t the correct response when your neighbour brings over fresh cookies, and your wife asks how they are.
I finally found a machine at the gym I like: the vending machine!
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
My Life Alert bracelet says.....: I`m Just Napping
Not one person has been eaten by sharks yet this week. Probably the worst Shark Week ever.
I finally finished my 4,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. It reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "
I wish all these vegetarians would stop eating my food´s food!