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I still know what you did last summer........... cos you posted it on facebook!
Ran into the girl who broke my heart. Totally worth the damage to my car.
I`d feel totally comfortable dating a zombie because I`d know she loved me for my brains and not just my body.
Halfway through singing a romantic ballad to my cat, it occurred to me that I`m going to die alone.
Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible.
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food
Clearly skinny jeans are easier to obtain than skinny genes
You should NEVER say and I mean NEVER say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she`s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at the moment.. :|
It’s not a nap unless your face wakes up in a puddle of your own drool.
The opposite of "tying the knot" is "no strings attached"
If the government shutdown effected alcohol or internet porn they`d have this sh!t fixed by tomorrow morning.
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.
It is impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.