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If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
It`s amazing what you`ll wear in public when you`re not trying to have sex with anyone.
No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
I have found that the best work from home occupation is a bartender
I hope Karma smacks some people before I do.
My greatest achievement today was writing this status.
Say what you want about Captain Hook, but he ran that entire pirating operation singlehandedly.
May you have a prosperous New Year. I may need to borrow money.
My Life Alert bracelet says.....: I`m Just Napping
How come we can put a man on the moon but we can`t made a smoke alarm that can differentiate between a house fire and cooking sausages?
To avoid being eaten by Zombies go to "settings", "public", and uncheck the box that says "Facebook users taste like chicken"
Fun fact: Deciding where to eat is the leading cause of divorce
A friend of mine told me i have to update my self and I asked my self : does he mean there can be a latest version of me?
Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it
Apparently I`d rather debate in my mind whether or not to get up and pee than sleep.