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I`ll be taking my time and yours,, thank you....... -- all 80 yr. old drivers
something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow
"Man, you know your bible verses forwards and backwards" - said no one ever
Karaoke bars combine two of the worlds greatest evils—people who shouldn`t drink with people who shouldn`t sing.
People say love is the best feeling ever. However I think finding a toilet right away when you have diarrhea is better.
Why does the alphabet need to be in order anyway
The only people who care about my college degree are the college loan people.
I just called the Alcohol Hotline and those bastards don`t even deliver.
He said the spark between us was gone..so I tasered him..... Ill ask him again when he wakes up
If you ever hear me say that I missed you it`s only because I have bad aim.
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
When I was little my dad had me convinced that the Ice Cream truck only played music when it was sold out. Well played Dad, well played.
"I`m tired of you pushing me around and talking behind my back." ----people in wheelchairs probably
If I`m guilty of anything it`s loving you too much. Oh and indecent exposure...I suppose trespassing too.
The longer I sit in this drive-thru, the more pennies I’m going to pay with.