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Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.
Whoever says "you need two to tango" obviously hasn`t seen me drunk.
A cheap way to get Botox face is by walking your dog in zero degree temperature.
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
People are like slinkeys; they don’t really serve a purpose, but you can’t help but laugh when one of them falls down the stairs.
Lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake.
I`d like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.
Sometimes my life feels like a 40 year long episode of Punk`d...
It`s funny how as you get older you relate more to the villains in Disney than the Princesses.
I`ve spotted six Pokémon today but I don`t have the game so I may need new meds...
I hate when I’m walking into the gym and the wind blows me into the liquor store.
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
What do 95% of men do after an orgasm? Delete their browser history.
BOOK FACT: If you took every book at Barnes and Noble and laid them end to end you get thrown out by security and banned from returning.
Kid`s Choice Awards are a great reminder why children aren`t allowed to vote.