Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine`s day as a birth control reminder to the other couples.
You never realize what you have till its gone... Toilet paper is a good example.
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
Is it wrong to swallow my multi-vitamin with a beer?
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting that you do.
When people I don’t know ask me what I do for a living I shout “Karma,” and punch them before running away.
If money cant buy happiness,explain beer!
With great power comes great electricity bill.
I bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.
If you want to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 9am, don`t be open.
I`m starting to think that Dr. Dre isn`t a real doctor after all...
Thats it! I want to be re-inserted and I don`t want to remember a darn thing!
I`d stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!
Just ate a sleeve of crackers on my wife`s side of the bed.. I`ll let you know...