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Collecting my thoughts… I almost have a whole set! ;)
You never really know how many inches you`re gonna get or how long it`ll last. Snow, maybe.
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
Before I had kids I never really reflected on life`s little mysteries. For example, why is my toothbrush under the couch?
It`s not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.
I`m home by myself this evening. My wife is out at Kohl`s buying another load of laundry.
Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to prevent me from savagely beating my coworkers with a keyboard.
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
I liked you a lot more before I met you.
I`m "got my sexual education from a 2 Live Crew cassette tape" years old.
I saw a bumper sticker today that said "I miss New York", so I smashed their window and snatched their laptop...
All I`m saying is if I`m not allowed to give a monkey a gun at the zoo they should have a sign.
F is for friends who do stuff without you.
Not so great minds also think alike.
Drinking Game: Tape a fake mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.