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I try to avoid nice people, so they can stay that way.
Oh the pranks I would pull if I were invisible
It`s called PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
My bank is the worst. They`re charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can`t even afford to be broke.
“But I read somewhere…” -me about to make some sh!t up.
FUN FACT: I can fit 17 Pringles in my mouth. SAD FACT: I tried to figure out how many Pringles I could fit in my mouth.
Make Monday More Fun: Unplug the copier at work and put a sign on it that says “Now Voice Activated!” Sit back and watch the magic unfold..
Likes doing tokyo drifts with the shopping carts when I round the corner of each isle at Walmart.
I love talking about nothing. It’s the only thing I know anything about.
Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart.
You’d be amazed how often I’m wrong when people say guess what.
I’m Not Arguing. I’m Simply Explaining Why I’m Right.
What’s the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?
I don’t let my friends do stupid things… ALONE!
Never compliment a lady on her mustache no matter how magnificent it is