Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

A sure fire way to lose an afternoon, is to help a friend out when he says "come on it will only take a half hour to fix"
Someone should use screen recording software to record an entire day’s worth of working on spreadsheets and post it to YouTube so that I can play it full screen and pretend like I’m working.
My wife looks for signs I’m cheating, but seriously, who would make a sign?
North West? Im confused i thought Kim Kardashian gave birth to a child not a compass
The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it breathe. 2) If it does not look like it`s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
Most days the best thing about my job is that my chair spins
Relationships always start out as "You`re smart and funny." and end up as "You think you know everything and it`s all a joke to you!"
I don`t understand fat poor people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.
I only support ghost hunting if you need the ghost for food.
If you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a french cat.
Someone asked an old man: "After 70yrs you still call your wife Darling, Honey and Luv. What`s the secret?"... Old man: I forgot her name 10 yrs ago & I`m scared 2 ask her.
I`m super lazy today. Which is like normal lazy but I`m also wearing a cape.
Some days you just can`t get home to your liquor fast enough