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Kids....because who doesn`t enjoy a fun game of "What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?"
No one has ever said, "You know what would make this even better? ... Turkey bacon."
Apparently, the answer "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed
The whole purpose of vacationing is to make you appreciate knowing where the channels are at home.
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses.
Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss", I assume that means they didn’t do it at all and are merely taking credit for it.
and alcohol are now friends.
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
If my life was a GPS it would constantly be recalculating
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the “ABCs” in my head to remember which letter comes next.
WARNING::World Health Organization says radiation from cell phones may cause cancer. Please text everyone you know about this.
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says "don`t be an a$$hole"
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk ;)