Daily Silly Status

A sure fire way to lose an afternoon, is to help a friend out when he says "come on it will only take a half hour to fix"

Someone should use screen recording software to record an entire day’s worth of working on spreadsheets and post it to YouTube so that I can play it full screen and pretend like I’m working.

My wife looks for signs I’m cheating, but seriously, who would make a sign?

North West? Im confused i thought Kim Kardashian gave birth to a child not a compass

The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it breathe. 2) If it does not look like it`s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.

Most days the best thing about my job is that my chair spins

Relationships always start out as "You`re smart and funny." and end up as "You think you know everything and it`s all a joke to you!"

I don`t understand fat poor people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?

I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.

Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.

I only support ghost hunting if you need the ghost for food.

If you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a french cat.

Someone asked an old man: "After 70yrs you still call your wife Darling, Honey and Luv. What`s the secret?"... Old man: I forgot her name 10 yrs ago & I`m scared 2 ask her.

I`m super lazy today. Which is like normal lazy but I`m also wearing a cape.

Some days you just can`t get home to your liquor fast enough