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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
A sofa is a vacation for your a$$...
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren’t there Starbucks pumpkin spice latte trucks in the winter?
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
People all around the world are out doing interesting and productive things right now. You are reading this.
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
"I believe I can fry" - R Kelly filling out McDonald`s application
When I found out my toaster wasn`t waterproof, I was shocked!
My bank lets me send a text message and it´ll text back with my balance. It´s a cool feature but I didn´t think the LOL was necessary.
I told my wife that I have a sexual satisfaction guarantee policy. If you`re not completely satisfied, we`ll just do it all over again. Guaranteed.
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
If cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can I, dammit!
Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" I assume that they did nothing but took all the credit for it.
People go to the bar hoping for 2 things...to get hammered or to get nailed.