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The best moments in life are simple… you know like when you sit down and get comfy and the remote is magically next to you.
I am looking at this online special deal at Disneyworld and thinking no, my kids can annoy me just fine right here at home.
I´m not lazy, I´m just highly motivated not to do anything.
I wish more people would give me the silent treatment.
Now that "twerk" has been added to the dictionary, I can`t wait for a Spelling Bee judge to be asked to use it in a sentence.
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.
There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
Remind me why I work 40 hours a week to be this poor?
Good morning friends … Wait … what the hell m I doing up this early?
Technically, if you don`t cut the cake, it`s still just one slice.
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the b!tch they claim I am.
This healthy diet thing is dangerous. I just cut myself peeling an apple. This would have never happened to me with a twinkie.
Crazy is not a destination, it is a way of life.