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If I like you, I’ll let you hold the TV remote when we watch TV. If I love you, I won’t take the batteries out of it beforehand.
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs..... But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
Sorry I referred to your baby shower as a gift extortion party.
The further you push me away, the more I begin to enjoy viewing you from a distance.
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
If I have offended you, hurt you, belittled you in any manner, then I want you to know that I was only just getting started.
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
Scientists have discovered that at least 50 percent of fat people’s BMI is made up of excuses...
The grass is always greener over the septic tank
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
If you pour two beers in one glass, it`s just one beer.
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!
The parents with the ugliest babies take and post the most pictures.
If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?