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People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension. The fact that I am dragging a body should be entirely irrelevant.
If you knew what I considered to be my "best behavior" it`s doubtful you`d advise me to be "on it".
I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed," many women still sleep with their husbands.
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say “Give me the dumbest thing you can think of.”
Here`s to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
All the advantages right-handed people have are cancelled out when we have to do our banking at the drive-up ATM left-handed.
You know you`re fat when you run out of breath eating.
Lets not kid ourselves, if the zombie apocalypse broke out, there are a couple people we would swear were zombies so we could shoot them
If you think my status updates are ridiculous you should see my life choices
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
Nothing says “friend zone” quite like a woman saying “you’re like a brother to me.” Unless you’re from Alabama.
They say I have a drinking problem. I say they have a problem with nudity.