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On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
I`ll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.
When pornstars get up to speak in front of a large group, do they picture people with their clothes on?
You look over-medicated. What`s your doctor`s name?
If there is enough room to spell `bootylicious` on the back of your shorts...it probably isn`t
The only charities I`ve donated money too recently are covered in glitter and dance to bad music.
My neighbors complained that I never mow my lawn. So I started mowing. The cops showed up at 3 a.m.. These neighbors are never happy...
If anyone is interested I`ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 6:00pm until I get escorted out by security.
Rejected Olympic Events: Javelin Catch... Jello Shotput... Border Fencing... Cardboard Boxing... Menstrual Cycling... Salad Tossing... Wrestling Demons...
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg, and some days you`re the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
Those raccoons must of had one heck of a party last night!!!! That`s the 4th one I`ve seen passed out on this road
I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.
You have no idea how funny I am to me.
Can I just drop it like it’s luke warm? It’s been a long day and I’m tired.
I just slid off the couch and lay on the floor for a while and eventually sat up without using my hands, is that a yoga class?