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Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam`s ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.
Any girl is a stripper if you wait outside her window long enough
I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
I didn`t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
If your phone doesn´t ring it´s me.
Our sex was so good, the neighbors smoked after we finished.
Just found out my daughter`s super power is repeating what I`ve said about others as soon as she meets them.
To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you`re happy now!!!
Apparently “cheesecake & tacos” wasn’t the answer the interviewer was looking for when he asked me what my weaknesses are.
Do the other settings on the washer actually do anything?
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
Apparently, "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed.
I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online. My boss was furious.
"Have you ever wondered if the $1 bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper butt? - You`re wondering now!!!"