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Modern video games are giving kids unrealistic standards of how many swords they can carry at one time.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right
I heard an ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" But then, I can`t drive a bus..
I can walk up to any dog, rub its belly and make a friend ... That trick rarely works on people.
Roses are red, violets are blue. god made me pretty,what happened to you?
I was way too drunk last night to drive home. So I drove to another party.
I don`t know why people say life is short....this seems to be taking forever.
Nothing says "I`m unemployed" like wishing for snow on Facebook.
Getting my kids to the airport always feels like I`m recreating the first 10 minutes of "Home Alone."
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
The Ex is bringing my kids back home. Time to strategically place the panties I bought from Victoria`s secret around the house.
What are the words I`m looking for? Oh yeah...Eat sh!t and die.
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....
just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards
You´d be amazed how often I´m wrong when people say guess what