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As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
FYI : My post aren`t directed at anyone in particular...so should anyone be offended by them, I say if the shoe fits ... Wear It!!!!!
Considering I`m broke, I wonder if she`ll let me be her sugar-free daddy.
Inside me is a skinny person screaming to get out. But he shuts up when I eat cake.
Live today like it`s your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn`t.
Never take a laxative and a sleeping aid on the same night. dont ask me why.
I`m beginning to think the only reason I buy bananas is to watch them die a painful death on my counter.
I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though.
I didn`t get your text (phrase) - I got your text, I was just too lazy to respond.
"A vodka, please" "Sir, this is McDonald`s" "OK, a McVodka, please and super size it."
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water today. It’s obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola.
Expect nothing and you`ll be impressed every day.
People who weigh their produce. What`s it like to have all the time in the world?