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Never look back. That’s where all the monsters are.
We live in an era of smart phones and stupid people.
Dumped my multiple personality girlfriend yesterday. She took it well, not so well, and she was really upset...
I never meant to be so cold, I never meant to be so cold. - Mother nature
Alcohol doesn´t solve any problems ... but then again, neither does milk.
Sports commentators need to stop saying penetrate
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s a$$ to fall off.
He died doing what he loved: telling me I`m overreacting.
7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don’t be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse
Shout out to good looking women who date unattractive men who aren`t rich, thanks for keeping hope alive.
Revenge is not in my plans. You`ll f*ck yourself on your own.
Am I supposed to bring condoms to a speed dating event? How fast do these things actually go?
I don`t burn bridges. I just loosen the bolts a little bit each day.
Juvenile humor My friend David lost his ID. We just call him Dav now. Here`s your sign..................
You seem to have a good grip on reality. You`re new here, aren`t you?