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When your coworker tells you they are getting a divorce a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told. Twice now.
My eye problems starts on Mondays and ends on Friday evening. I see clearer after the fourth bottle.
You`re the reason I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to goto work.
Why do they waste so much money on all the checkout lanes at Walmart, when they only have two of them open at any given time.
While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.
Don`t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
is a mystery you´ll never solve
Step 1: remove food from packaging Step 2: dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time
You are living proof that the Lord is testing me.
Why can`t Mosquitos suck Fat instead of Blood!
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting you do.
If you`re behind someone at an ATM at night, let them know you`re not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes!
If I can’t act weird around you, I’m sorry we can’t be friends.
“Have you tried just eating a ton of pizza?”- me as a therapist