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Dating: the process of hiding your crazy just long enough to get the other person to commit.
Oh and BTW,,, Why haven`t Pig Pen`s parents been visited by child services yet?
Maybe it`s the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
!f yhu T@k yk d!$, then dont talk to me.
I`m the crazy bitch you`ll never forget.
If I had known "cuties" were little oranges when my wife asked me to "bring a few home," I could have avoided these awkward introductions.
I like to say, "Well, enough with the small talk" before anyone has a chance to speak.
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
Don’t jump to confusions.
It`s ok, ghosts, no-one believes in me either.
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
I`m glad it`s the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the sh!t I should be doing.
Does this couch I`m laying on make me look unmotivated?
A morning text from me doesn`t mean "good morning". It means "I`m having very dirty thoughts about you right now".
Sometimes saying "F*ck it" is the best decision.