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not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
I’d tell you what I’m doing but I’ve learned from other evil villains not to announce my plans first.
I`m a bitch ... What`s your excuse?
Had a blast doing my Black Friday tradition!!!! I slept!
I was just awarded the first place trophy for laziness. All I need now is for someone to accept it on my behalf.
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out?
I see your arguement contains a lot of swear words, you must really know what you`re talking about
Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off
Is it bad that "WINE" is always on my grocery list? At the top? In all caps?
You`d think my password was "yourmom" because the computer said it was too easy.
Curious that it`s always a female computer voice that calmly announces self-destruct sequences and other violent disasters.
I`ve spent the past four years looking for my ex-wife`s killer, but no one will do it.
I wish I had money so I could be eccentric instead of just weird.
I never want to go to sleep less than I do at bed time.