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So exhausting to have my life changed for the better every time someone posts a screenshot of a famous quote.
I just attempted to wash a paper plate if you wonder how much money I have available.
We have those sticky traps all around the house and I just found one moved clear across the room with all sorts of hair on it....so if anyone see`s a BALD mouse running around, it belongs to me
Apparently somebody gets stabbed every 52 seconds...sucks to be that guy
I thought I was a bit hardcore until I saw this guy sucking on a soy sauce packet like an Otter Pop.
If you want to preview of the new iPhone 8 and try it out for free before buying it just look at your iPhone 7 and pretend it cost several hundred dollars more.
Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
Before Walmart, you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded woman.
Admit it, at some point in time you’ve tried to see if you had superpowers.
My wife went home to visit her mother today. Or as I refer to it. Her “bitch refresher course”.
If I had a nickel for everytime I said, "If I had a nickel", I`d be rich.
Internet went down so I had to spend time with my family. They seem like good people.
There are 2 kinds of people I can’t stand: Nosy people, and people who won’t tell me what in the hell is going on.
My Facebook weather forecast looks like I can expect 2 or 3 inches of drama tonight followed by a lot of bullsh!t blowing in from all directions in the morning.
It`s the little things in life that count, like pills.