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Before we start this relationship, I am going to need you to explain a few pics in your Facebook albums.
Don`t forget: it`s very important what strangers on the Internet think about you.
The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.
"I`m only having one" ...said by many, practiced by none.
So what if I`m single now ... I mean it can`t be that hard to boil toast, can it?
Nothing ruins hump day like not getting humped.
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media overreaction.
I would’ve slept my way to the top years ago if it actually involved sleeping.
There`s nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it`s only lettuce :(
Bulimia: Twice the taste. Zero Calories.
If you hold a 40oz bottle to your ear you can hear the ghetto.
Someone asked an old man: "After 70yrs you still call your wife Darling, Honey and Luv. What`s the secret?"... Old man: I forgot her name 10 yrs ago & I`m scared 2 ask her.
I`m on that “Starts tomorrow” diet.
I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.