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When you called me a b*tch, did you mean it as an insult or a compliment?
If you ever need anything please don`t hesitate to ask someone else first.
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
I’ve watched “Aladdin” like 25 times with my kids, so I know quite a bit about politics in the Middle East.
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
I get a real kick out of people who drive a mile in their car to run a mile on a treadmill.
It`s only October 3rd and I`ve already beaten the sh!t out of two motion activated skeletons at store entrances.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, "neighborhood watch" isn`t what I thought it was.
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
Those raccoons must of had one heck of a party last night!!!! That`s the 4th one I`ve seen passed out on this road
I`m at my most popular when I just want to be alone.
The only thing I have learned so far in this company meeting is that this room has 37 ceiling tiles and 24 fluorescent bulbs.
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village has one.
Releasing a long silent fart as I walk through first class on the way to my economy seat is definitely my favorite part of boarding an aircraft.
The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.