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If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
Why don’t television shows say, “You will be delighted to know that this program contains strong sexual content?”
Don’t judge someone because they sin differently than you.
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!
Fingerprints are proof that God doesn`t trust us
The toughest thing in business is minding your own.
It`s a small world, but I wouldn`t want to paint it.
I think my new Stress Management plan is going to be alcoholism.
You think you love your family but suddenly there`s three of you and one remaining slice of pizza.
I`m not opposed to manscaping, but I don`t see the point of cutting the grass until somebody takes interest in the property.
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
Happy 15th birthday google, 3 more years and you will be able to search for adult sites legally
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
I`ve finally decided to do something about my weight. Lie.