Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A man walks into a bar & orders a beer. He drinks it, looks in his pocket & orders another. This happens 7 more times. Bartender asks, "What`s in your pocket?" Man says, "I have a photo of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I`ll go home."
thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
Just stepped outside, closed my eyes, took a deep breathe of fresh air, sipped a Dew. What a perfect morning, what could go wrong? Crap I forgot 2 put pants on!
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" - 17th century sext
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note “Don’t eat me”.Now there’s an empty plate and a note “Don’t tell me what to do”
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
is it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson´s by 2011?
People who say "Don`t mix drugs with alcohol"" ... they`re stupid, right?
What ? Who ? Exactly my point. Now move along and go read something else. Nosey !!
The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she`s just found my Facebook account
Vodka can be mixed with anything, including more vodka.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we`ve met before." So they feel awkward trying to remember me
Iam not as THINK as you DRUNK iam!!