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To all my Facebook friends. Have a happy St. Patrick`s day, and all the festivities this weekend. Stay safe, enjoy life, and if you by chance happen to find a bartender who is bad at math...give me a call :)
Gift cards: The best way to say "Here, you figure it out..."
I`m sorry I snort-laughed when you were saying your vows.
I like them big and fake. ~Me talking about Christmas trees
If you think your having a bad day ... You could be digging your own grave at gun point and find buried treasure.
Hey people who buy bottled water for their dogs, can I have some money?
Tony Soprano dead....Whitey Bulger on trial...coincidence??? I think not!
I thought I was losing weight, but it turned out my sweatpants had come untied.
My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I`m great at pole dancing.
I bet my mom is looking down on me right now, wherever she is. She`s not dead, just very condescending.
It`s hard to look like a bad-ass when you`re slurping on a strawberry smoothie.
Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule
It`s as if none of these people have ever seen a beer hat at the gym before.
Excuse me sir, where do you keep the "Whoomp"? Oh, there it is.
Drank way too much beer last night. Didn`t leave any for this morning.