Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Please either stop being so attractive or make out with me, it`s your choice.
MISSED CONNECTION: I gave you the Heimlich maneuver on Maine St. You insisted you weren’t choking and put up a good fight.
I am totally lacking the "zippity" part of my "do dah day."
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
Hey people who say I am boring and not interesting; FYI the police just called saying they want to talk to me because I am "a person of interest"
If guys were smart, they’d forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food.
Funny how people get all angry when you break something of theirs that they don`t ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
If nobody hates you, you are doing something boring.
My last request: At my funeral, someone come up at the end and padlock my coffin shut, just to freak everyone out.
One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves.
Well it`s almost time for that " New Year -- New Me " bullsh_t again!
Teacher:If I had 2 oranges in my left hand and 2 mangoes in my right hand, what would I have?? Student:Big hands!!
My family tree is a cactus, we`re all pricks.
Mini M&M`s - for when you just can`t finish an entire M&M
Forget Klondike, you should see what I`d do for an open bar.