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Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
Cheers, to judging people who spell words wrong in their statuses.
You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it`s acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch.
Found out today you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at the waffle house... just trying to help.
Call me crazy, but the last person who did is still in a full body cast, so it`s up to you.
I`m not sure how to say this but ... Worcestershire sauce
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!
Every night before bed I do this cute little thing where I stare at the Internet for 6.5 hours
It’s not you. It’s my ears. They just make you sound so boring and dull.
1) Go to Starbucks 2) Order coffee 3) Tell them your name is Waldo 4) Leave
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
I’m still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a supervillain.