Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes.
I had the urge to clean my place today so I laid down until the urge went away.
Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don`t know where I am.
If a man says you’re ugly he’s being mean. If a woman says you’re ugly she’s envious. If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.
If you need me I`ll always be stuck behind the person who doesn`t know how to use the CVS self-checkout aisle.
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
I understand vampires being invisible in mirrors, but what the hell happens to their clothes?
Wear black: all the non-conformists are doing it.
My wife complains about everything I do. It`s like she doesn`t know there are "Sexy singles in my area" that want to meet with me.
I hate it when auto-correct changes my "omg" to "OMG" like, chill out, I`m not that surprised.
be smart, pretend to be stupid!
Our kids biggest challenge will be to find a username that`s not already taken.