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?-- that guy is cute ?
I need new swear words.
Our office just got a new conference table. It sleeps 20.
Don’t ask me to kill a spider for you & then criticize my methods. Yes, I had to use a samurai sword, & no, I’m not sorry about your table.
It only takes 2 ingredients to make a baby. Does that not blow your mind. Like at least there should be some flour or something.
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, respect it!
English = Hello. Spanish = Hola. French = Bonjour. Japanese = Konnichiwa. Chinese = Nî Hâo. Italian = Ciao. Me = Sup B*tches.
If I drank, I`d have a lot funnier status updates on Facebook than I do now. Well, at least I`d think they were funnier.
Trust me, when they make a pill that REALLY makes your d!ck grow, that commercial will be on during the Super Bowl, not 3am!
Do you really have to breath that much?
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.
Day 10: I am thankful there are only 20 days left for all my friends to be thankful about how awesome their lives are.
A friend suggested I see a therapist but the truth is, I like being f*cked up.
Have you ever loved someone so much, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping
To the individual who sat outside in their car, across the street from our house, at 530 am and had Led Zepplens Immigrant Song blaring at full volume, I have one thing to say to you! AWESOME CHOICE DUDE!!!!!!!