Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I did 26 situps this morning. It’s not a lot, but then again, how many times can someone snooze an alarm clock ?
Psychology — Even trying to spell it correctly screws with your head.
I avoid online dating sites because they match you up with people who share your interests. I don`t want to go out with a weirdo.
The next time the creepy guy at the bar asks you "Why aren`t you smiling?" simply reply, "I don`t smile while I fart."
Have you ever just sat there and realized how weird you are?
Worried that you may have a stalker? Shut up and just be happy someone likes you.
You know what is cheaper than therapy? ... Admitting you`re batshit crazy and running with it.
I am so clever sometimes I don`t even understand what I`m saying.
Do I misuse contractions? Yes, but it`s what it`s.
If you trip and are about to fall on the ground yell "He`s got a gun!" and then you`ll look like a cool hero.
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you... I would start thinking about you.
It`s funny how as you get older you relate more to the villains in Disney than the Princesses.
So far I’ve spent most of 2014 flipping off the weather channel.
A good thing about dating a vegan is that you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone, when you buy flowers because they`re also a snack for later.