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They say in the near future computers will become more intelligent than people, really, the near future? I walk down the street and see girls who struggle with the difference between orange and tanned, guys who have no idea how a belt works, and all of them with less language skills then the average trained chimp. Computers? Hell I’ve got an alarm clock that’s smarter than most of them right now.
When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don`t tell them you need it by a certain date.
Driving with your gas tank door open is the equivalent to having your zipper down.
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear.
The secret to success is in my bra.
Nothing says "party" like a red plastic cup.
Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
If I ever put stuff in storage I`m going to write "gold bars" and "priceless memorabilia" on the boxes just to mess with storage wars.
I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I`m afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.
I hate when the cops throw me in the back of the squad car like they didn’t hear me call shotgun.
Well, it`s easy to tell I`m single. It`s Saturday night and I`m at home updating my facebook status...
I cant wait to show everyone at work my new cough
Every family has a plastic bag full of plastic bags.
I’m on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.