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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
The naughty me makes the nice me giggle.
There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
There is no such thing as bad luck, there is good luck and life!
To say I wasted today would be a huge insult to the producers of the 3 movies I watched.
What`s the difference between "Ooooo" and "Ahhh"? About 3 inches.
Iron Man is a superhero. Iron woman is a command.
If I haven`t offended you, just scroll thru my timeline. It`s in there.
I`m just looking for a reason not to drink
Do strippers have nightmares where they are in front of a large crowd with their clothes on?
First you told me to be myself now you`re telling to me not be an idiot. Make up your mind woman!
Don`t let anyone call you an "underachiever". If they knew you, they`d know how amazing it is that you`ve managed to accomplish anything.
Iām having a free beer contest tonight. The 1st person to bring me a case of beer gets to watch me drink it. FOR FREE!