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Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
I`m just here until I can make day drinking a full time job
I wish I would of asked if she believed in sex after marriage
This rough sex would have been a lot better if I wasn`t alone.
What kind of jerk makes an anti-anxiety pill difficult to break in half?
Oh no. I thought of a brilliant status to update while taking bath but by the time I got back to my phone I forgot it. This is why I hate taking a bath.
I got a letter in the mail saying I was pre-approved for a Walmart Credit Card. Not sure if I should be honored or ashamed.
Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends` food looked like.
Merry Christmas (I apologize if you`re not Christian). Happy Hanukkah (I apologize if you`re not Jewish). Happy Holidays (I apologize if you`re not happy).
i wonder if fish get thirsty .
dont love..dont hurt...keep doing flirt..:)
If my cats have taught me anything, its how to ignore people.
Considering that dogs pee to mark territory, they probably think humans are constantly battling over who gets to claim the toilet.
People are obsessed with this storm but in a couple months no one will talk about it anymore, which is why they named it after the movie Juno.
Most hated song in jail: "Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whatcha gonna do when they come for you"......