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If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
People are always weirded out when I take notes during episodes of Dexter.
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
Whenever there is an awkward silence try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
Drunk people are the only honest ones left.
"are you as bored as I am?" if you read that backwards, it still makes sense.
Here`s a crazy concept, maybe I`m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it`s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
I like to keep bartenders on their toes by making up drinks on the spot. "Yeah, I`ll take a Dirty Hammock."
Iām not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on.
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you... I would start thinking about you.
Even hoarders throw their chapstick away if someone else uses it.
If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you. Knees to Chest, bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!!