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I don`t know how the law of averages works, but you`d think after 25yrs of marriage I`d be right at least once
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
I`m more confused than a valet parking attendant at a Mary Kay convention.
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
Success is like pregnancy, everyone congratulates you but no one knows how many times you`ve been screwed to get there.
Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different from mine.
YouTube "This video is not available in your country". where the hell am I from? NARNIA?
Dear Toilet Paper Makers, We`ve all unexpectedly run out at some point. Please make the tube in the center softer. Thank you...
Don`t you just want to write on some people`s Facebook wall "you peaked in High School".?
Gotta admire people who drive with one hand holding on to a mattress tied to the roof.
This day will end with either wine or shopping. Probably both.
Afraid my muffin top is desiring to become a pound cake.
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)
2015 and I still can`t believe it`s not butter!
I fight evil wherever it may be ... except in dark, scary places.