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I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet. So I have switched to mint Oreos.
The condoms need to be located in the baby aisle, next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans
I`m just a guy struggling to find the appropriate level of inappropriateness for every social interaction I`m unlucky enough to be a part of
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
I bet it’s pretty hard at a mime’s funeral to figure out when the moment of silence is over.
WikiHow suggested 9 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.... I did all by ?#? SLEEPING?the whole day! How???? I smoked less, used water/power less etc. Wikiwikiwiki!!!!!
Holiday cards, when you care enough to let friends, family, customers & clients see how your handwriting hasn`t improved since fourth grade.
I stopped watching the History Channel because it`s so outdated.
Long story short, I love summaries
I like how the package for cotton swabs says don`t put them in your ears and everyone in the world is thinking: "WTF else would I do with them?!"
Remember when mowhawks meant you were a tough punk rocker? Now they just mean that you`re 3 and your parents are idiots.
Just got rid of 150lbs of ugly fat ... Got divorced.
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be totally impossible!