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Somehow, we`ve got to find a way to STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.
A lot of you lose your sh!t and have some pretty epic, public meltdowns. I just wanted to say thanks.
Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.
A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.
Don`t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.
Nothing says God is forgiving like hell.
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
Every time I go into my boss` office she tells me "take a seat". I have 14 now.
that an iPhone 6+ in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?
Today I caught myself thinking of you and smiling... but it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
It`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes on Facebook.
Never laugh at your wife`s choices. You are one of them :)
A murderer was about to be put to death in the electric chair. "Do you have any last requests?" asked the chaplain. "One," he replied. "Will you hold my hand?"
Imagine coming home from a long vacation and finding your bathroom towels are wet from just being used. I can do that to your ex if you want.