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If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things Iād get a lot more done.
Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
I`m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone
Ever notice that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointed away from earth?
What a snow day inside with the kids! My one son thought it would be a good idea to fill up the garage freezer with snow to save for later and my other son had an "accident" and peed all over the floor in the bathroom. Youd think they know better at 13 and 15 years old! I probably should stop letting them drink beer in the house.
Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.
I sent that "Ancestry " site some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over
( )( ) =( `-` )= <( . )> ("`)("`) bunny!!
Jehovah`s witnesses would probably be welcomed into more houses if they brought booze or cookies.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness".
It`s damn funny when a wife think`s she`s punishing her husband by not talking to him for days..
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
Iām not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the f*ck down. -Bfanch
There are 10 types of people in the world, Those that understand binary, and those who don`t.