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I thought the movie `fast & furious` was about my sex life. I`m fast, my wife is furious.
I am not looking for a one night stand, 2 hours will be plenty enough.
Much like a dog, men will pretty much do anything you want if you feed them first.
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
This Tequila tastes like an afternoon of fun and bad decisions.
I wonder whether I can trust doctors with dead plants in the waiting room.
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
You know you`re an alcoholic when the only Holiday cards that you get are from your neighborhood pubs.
How many “friend-zoned” guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they’ll just compliment it and get pissed when it won’t screw.
No, PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on facebook.
for every like, I will fart on my wife face
If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.
Why does the person who snores always fall asleep first?
Most hated song in jail: "Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whatcha gonna do when they come for you"......
I went frisbee golfing today. I didn`t get an ace, but I did hit a guy and that was just as satisfying.