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There`s a time and place for wine, In my hand and now.
Olive Garden says “When you’re here you’re family”, how could they expect me NOT to think I’m entitled to a free meal.
I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store
A coworker wouldn`t stop bragging about her upcoming trip to Hawaii, so I emailed her a bunch of pictures of plane crashes.
Some people want to get in shape before they go to a gym. Which is the equivalent of losing weight so you can go on a diet
"Oh wow, it`s a fruit cake! I`m going to eat some of it right now" ...said no one ever.
The snooze button, because there’s nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
My resume is basically just a list of things I hate to do.
I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
7 billion people on this planet and I can`t find one who doesn`t annoy the f*ck out of me.
I hate when the remote is way over there
Life is all about tough decisions such as… Getting enough sleep or staying on the internet.
I can either be on time or wearing pants. Pick one.