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I go to McDonald`s once a month just to replenish the napkin stash in my car
Oh the pranks I would pull if I were invisible
"Grow a pear." - How to insult an apple tree.
Bought some cheese at one of those fancy cheese shops today. It was legend dairy...
Zoos would be cooler if you had to fight each animal before you could see the next one.
One great thing about life before the internet was if you met someone, you didn`t then have to know them the rest of your life.
I never thought you could really guess too low whenever a woman asks you her age. I guess 6 was pushing it.
Facebook is not so bad once you block your family and friends.
Cats have tails so you can swing them around. Duh.
cuss words = sentence enhancers
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer ... That`s all.
I wonder how many people read my statuses and say `I hope he`s getting professional help`?
Who`s more foolish, a fool or the person who takes a fool`s advice?
The biggest lie I tell myself is: “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!