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I`m so hungry I could Instagram a horse.
A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place to have sex.
I can`t wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational crap is far away
Good Morning: You, my friends are the reason I wake up every morning ? LOL JK, I have to pee.
The hardest part about having a vivid imagination is finding enough things to climb on to avoid all the frickin’ lava on the floor!
?”Nobody listens to me….” – Yellow traffic light
I`m off to bed. For those of you who wish to add a touch of authenticity to your fantasies, the sheets are pale blue...
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
Just because you`re not paranoid doesn`t mean they`re not out to get you.
American Sniper proves that not even being in an active war zone will prevent your spouse from calling you at work.
Of course China is dominating the olympics, they probably made all of the equipment.
If you surround your house in police tape, the odds of you being robbed drops dramatically.
Wow, that Macy`s parade is crazy! The Kanye West float just cut off Snoopy and said Woodstock can fly better!