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When someone is in a bad mood, I like to help matters by pointing out several times that they seem to be in a bad mood.
Apparently, the answer "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed
someone told me I am immature and need to grow up ... so guess who is not allowed in my snow fort!!!
Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?
Just checked my Farmville for the first time in 2 years... It`s now a Walmart.
Don`t act like your not impressed.
The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that`s not a risk I`m willing to take.
I burn bridges to keep those crazy bastards from following me.
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of people wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
A normal person is just someone you don`t know well enough yet.
Facebook`s list of "suggested friends" is quite literally a list of people I`ve been avoiding my entire life.
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.
Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, "what kinda robot does that one turn into?"
My whole life is based on a true story...