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!that embarrasing moment when you fake a call then a real one comes...!lol.
I once found a whip, a mask, a baton and handcuffs in my Mother-in-Law`s draw... who knew she was a superhero. Nice!!!
FYI: The signs that say "Falling Rocks"....I tried it.....it doesn`t.
Telling a girl to calm down is like trying to baptize a cat.
Sometimes I wish I wasn`t rich and handsome and delusional.
Ah Friday...my second favorite "F" word!
Sometimes, I`ll start a text with "lol" if it might be a sensitive subject. Like, "lol it`d be cool if you moved out."
If pigs could fly.. Would I be able to get high on bacon?
If you play my workday backwards, it’s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.
I`m just a guy standing in front of a huge pile of laundry wondering how flammable it is.
I recently jumped on the back of my psychologist and started counting...1...2...3 and he was so suprised asking me what I was doing and I answered offendedly: "Well you`re the one who said I could always count on you !"
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I´m typing this with my middle finger.
It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
I’ve been really depressed these past few days. Finally visited a therapist and got diagnosed. Turns out, I’m poor.
A stress ball, made of concrete, and to throw at the person who`s stressing you out.