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This bartender doesn`t know it yet, but she is probably going to make me 36 hours late for work tomorrow.
For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
I never get nervous or embarrassed. That`s just some sh*t that sober people who leave the house have to worry about.
I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
I got drunk last night and my house wasn`t where I left it.
There`s a fine line between crazy and free spirited and it`s usually a prescription.
I just ended a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn`t mine.
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
Settle down joggers at red lights, settle down.
Everything I like is expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.
Is it just me or do mirrors look really sexy?
Remember when waking up early on Saturday mornings involved cartoons and not untagging photos on Facebook?
What’s the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?
When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!" Whoever turns around is who I`m buying drinks for.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.