Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I know I have a long way to go but look at how far I`ve come.
I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it.
There are 3 levels of pain. 1. Pain 2. Excruciating pain 3. Stepping on a Lego
The problem with working from home is the absence of sexual harassment.
When I see someone walking more than one dog I always think, "wow, that person must be really blind."
Making mirrors look good, since 1972
Daylight Savings makes us lose an hour... It’s kind of like Facebook.
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you`re hot.
It doesn’t matter how many signs I put up around the office, HR said high five a co-worker in the face with a shovel day isn’t a thing.
Her: I love it when we finish each other`s Him: pancakes
Inventor of camping: "Hey, let`s go pretend to be homeless."
Whenever you feel like a genius, remember there was a time in your life when you were learning to not poop your pants.
Adding "and sh!t" at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I’m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
It’s sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his crappy ACME gadgets, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.