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If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?
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My medical ID bracelet says "just let it happen"
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Just once I’d like to learn something the easy way.
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My brain is giving me the silent treatment
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What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
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Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
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You should get at least 8 hours of beauty sleep... 9 if you`re an ugly bitch...
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When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, “Yes, we’ve met before.” So they feel awkward trying to remember me.
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If only I did everything with the same precision in which I craft my sandwiches.
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If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
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Sleep is for the people without access to Internet.
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I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.......
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Kids today will never know the frustration of having to rewind their dads porn tapes to the exact same spot...
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Okay, enough procrastination. Time for excuses.
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I have a tattoo of a gigantic bruise on my left ankle in case anyone ever asks me to go hiking. Or help them move.
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