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Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely Facebooking than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space.
"You know, I wish I`d never gone to the pool that day." ~Marco Polo
Never take advice from someone more miserable than you are.
Happy Wednesday 2014 Everyone!
I have an oven with a "stop time" button. It´s probably meant to be "stop timer" but I don´t touch it, just in case.
nothing says i love you like, "im going to buy you new duct tape for your taillight, what color you want? "
What’s the answer to this question?
I hope all your dreams come true, especially that one where you`re being chased by a giant spider.
Marriage counseling - because sometimes your spouse needs to hear from a professional that they are being an a$$
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
The Teen Choice Awards air last tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren`t allowed to vote.
Bored? Text "Our condom broke." to a random number
Girls these days be like `I wanna get the Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet`N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice tan look`
Me: I must be out of my mind. Me: You and me both.
When someone tells you they`re playing a STD game... But you later realise they were talking about Spot The Difference.