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My girlfriend is half my size but takes up three quarters of the bed. If my math is correct, she’s a b!tch
Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they`re talking?
A zip line but from the sofa to the fridge
Seems like my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers.
Professor X can move anything with his mind... except his legs.
If only my ceiling fan could hold my weight, then I would never be bored again.
I`m glad I know sign language. It`s pretty handy.
I overheard this guy bragging about his fancy hotel sweet. Ptttsht. They are nothing but cheap a$$ mints!
The hardest part about having a vivid imagination is finding enough things to climb on to avoid all the frickin’ lava on the floor!
Tattoos are an expensive and painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification.
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
Judging by the commercials, only old white guys with sailboats can suffer from erectile dysfunction.
Have you ever loved someone so much, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping