Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My fitness goal is to weigh what I told the DMV I weigh.
If you hold out your arms like Frankenstein when walking in a leg brace, people let you cut in line at Starbucks.
Now that I`m on Facebook, I can finally put that English degree I obtained to some use…
Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don´t know when.
I realized that at my income level "Wealth Management" really just means re-organizing the money in my wallet by denomination.
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today, or flash them your boobs...... Strangers love boobs!
If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca`s third dog.
Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
MIDDLE EAST: How can we stop ISIS? EUROPE: How can we save our economy? AMERICA: What color is this dress?!
I`ve seen people tear a phone book in half with their bare hands & I just had to use scissors to open a bagged salad.
Gluten free. Dairy free. Fat Free. I love the wine diet!
I don`t want to brag, but I`m single-handedly responsible for 86% of the rules in the Employee Handbook at work.
The only thing I can fix in this world tonight is another drink.
A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."