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I cant believe I saw a woman wearing slippers in church today! I almost dropped my beer.
Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other, it`s given me another reason to stare.
Thanks to Facebook i now know what everyones bathroom looks like.
I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it`d be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
If you`re in your car, go ahead and pick your nose, because the car makes you invisible.
How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?
I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
Does anyone have like twenty thousand dollars they don’t want? Asking for myself.
I`ve been on a diet for 2 weeks and all I`ve lost is 14 days.
It`s so awkward when you get texted to come over and you have to pretend like you weren`t already inside their house.
Don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile with my shoes….shoved up your a$$.
Of all the things life has given to me... I would like to return 20 lbs.
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper placemats with puzzles... game on!
I`m tired of making the same mistakes over and over again. Does anyone have any new mistakes I can borrow?