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Seriously, ladies. If you just stop sleeping with douchebags eventually their species will go extinct. Look at the big picture here.
Prostitution must be a hole sale business.
It`s tough being a people person when you can`t stand most people.
I stamp my hand on Saturday morning so it looks like I went out on Friday night.
Excessive consumption of alcohol seems like a good idea.
Don`t talk to me until I`ve had my coffee, my breakfast, lunch, juice, dinner, and at least two glasses of wine.
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
“Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
Wear black: all the non-conformists are doing it.
Magician: Now I will cut the woman in half. Me: Why turn one problem into two?
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
I’m not a sore loser ... thanks to Vicodin.
50 years ago you had to get really f*cking drunk to drop your phone in a urinal.
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.