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I lent my girlfriend ten grand to get plastic surgery, and now she left me and I don’t know what she looks like.
Perverts can contribute to society. Look at the disturbed individual who discovered cow`s milk.
superbowl: the only time I actually look forward to watching commericals.
We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change...
I saw a girl being irresponsible texting while driving and it really ticked me off.....So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.
Excuse me but which level of Hell is this?
If I haven`t offended you, just scroll thru my timeline. It`s in there.
i just peed so hard that I laughed a little bit
Reckon the first person to make popcorn by accident probably ran away
Hi you`ve reached my voicemail,,, Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn`t be done over text
Pizza will never tell you you`re fat unless you`re high as sh!t, then pizza is probably suggesting you fight an aardvark to lose weight.
This is the only way I know how to correctly use a semi-colon ;)
When the zombie apocalypse happens, I’m going to blast Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, while the zombies chase us, just to lighten the mood.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about
Spank me once, shame on you. Spank me twice, now we`re getting somewhere.