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I don’t think it’s a coincidence that morning and mourning sound the same.
My password is SupermanHulkThorGoku, that`s the strongest password I can think of.
Marriage is just a 50 year long negotiation over thermostat settings.
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
The ultimate act of trust is buying your spouse a gun, and then showing them the correct way to use it.
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn´t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.
The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you´re on.
1 in 5 bosses will let you leave work early if you claim to have `lady problems` then start crying. It works even better for guys.
If you want to set up a company and run it then that`s your business.
High fiving was the original "like".
One of the things I like to say to a girl after we have sex for the first time is "Hmm, damn weird... I heard you were better."
Does "who cares" count as advice?
Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.
Confuse your coworkers today by telling them you`re going to the restroom to do a "number 3"
It`s only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.