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If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
Netflix is soo much better than going out and pretending to like people.
I wake up every morning with the joy & excitement of wanting to go directly back to sleep.
Haters gonna hate, your honor
Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
exactly how long is a cotton picking minute.
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker, so I told her to roll them tighter.
I`ve started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times.
The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn`t even apply for the job.
“Latte” is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
Rest area restrooms are weird. The guy in stall next to me has four feet.
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.