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Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
lol <- looks like a stick man drowning. lol
“Over my dead body” doesn’t mean “no.” It means I get to do what I want and as a bonus I get to kill you.
When they say " drink responsibly ", what they really mean is "don`t f***in spill it!"
A yawn is a silent scream for coffee!
Freak people out in public restrooms by saying “come in” when they knock on the stall door.
To all the NSA agents reading this right now, I just want to say sorry that my life is so boring.
Knock knock Who`s there? Control Freak. Now you say "Control Freak who?"
How can there be more horses asses than there are horses?
drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is...
Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like.
Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?
"You`re so cute!" works as a response to anything my girl says 99% of the time when I`m not listening which is 99% of the time.
So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?
I wonder if there`s a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.