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Hendrix didn`t need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
"I`m single and ready to mingle"..oh god, is this why I`m still single, cuz I say sh!t like that?
It`s annoying how when you go to the orchestra, there`s always that one wasted dude up front swaying and waving his arms around the whole time
Leaving the house would be so much cooler if someone would yell “Aaaaand Action!” as I walk out the door.
Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
You know it`s way past your bed time when the 1-800-dial-a-hoe commercials come on.
If anybody tells you you’re putting too much Parmesan on your pasta, stop talking to them. You don’t need that negativity in your life.
Seven years ago today I swallowed bubblegum ... I`ll keep you all posted.
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I`m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
If Wyle E Coyote had enough cash to buy all that ACME stuff why didn’t he just buy dinner?
Use a mirror and you will find, PI.E = 3.14
A recent report shows that people who smoke weed get into 85% fewer car crashes than drunk people. Obviously. It`s a lot easier to see what`s coming when you`re only driving at eleven miles an hour.
It`s as if none of these people have ever seen a beer hat at the gym before.
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.