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I`ll take "who the f*ck would know that" for $600, Alex.
Laugh if you will but this night-light has an undefeated record at repelling Boogeymen.
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.
I inject vodka right into the orange. Screwdriver-to-go
Jehovah`s witnesses tell the worst knock, knock jokes
I know you`re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?
McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
There’s actually a thing called “Play Dates “ in 2018. In 1984 we called that “Going outside to play”
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
A young man gets sent to jail,and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk."Let`s play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy." "Then come up here and suck Mommy`s d!ck."
DAMN IT!!!!! I just ripped the tag off one of my Beanie Babies! Now it`s worthless!!
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
When someone tries to tell me they can`t do something, I`m like "you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?"
Getting told I can`t do something gives me all the motivation I need to get things done.
When in doubt, read Facebook Statuses, you`ll see you`re not the only crazy one around