Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Today: I`m going to be understanding, productive, and nice. WHAT? Stop laughing! I`m serious!
"And then I rented a monster truck and drove it through their f*cking house!" - How all my stories would end if I was a billionaire.
Have you noticed that tire stores never hang big banners that say "Blowout Sale"?
If I truly posted what was on my mind ... I´d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
I always hold the door for ladies, but they never seem to get in the car when I do that.
When one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted.....
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
What if I am sexy and I don`t know it?
I`m always on the verge of running three miles, or drinking a bottle of Vodka
"I wanna f*ck you so hard right now." "What?!?" "Damn autocorrect, I meant hey."
I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
Deaf people don`t have safe words, they use stop signs.
On the bright side, my coffee will never get cold in hell.
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
Hangry: (noun) a state of anger caused by lack of food. May evoke negative change in emotional state. Translation -- Feed me or I`ll kill you.