Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell. Like, hey you, I love you so much, I`m gonna get the government involved so you can`t leave.
Shoutout to my parents for not wearing a condom and creating the most awesome person alive.
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" -- Girlfriends in the 17th century probably
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
You are intriguing. You require further stalking, sorry I mean investigation.
My wife has a thing for bringing injured animals home... I think she should just stop driving.
Glad McDonald`s don`t serve hotdogs, I don`t think I could order a McWeiner with a straight face.
I was on the treadmill for 20 minutes this morning. Tomorrow I might even turn it on, but let’s not rush into things.
That Awkward Moment when you’re being sarcastic and someone believes you.
I think my new Stress Management plan is going to be alcoholism.
I hate it when I fill my blowup doll with helium and then she plays hard to get...
I like staying up insanely late but I also like getting 12 hours of sleep. See my dilemma?
24 astronauts were born in Ohio.....What is it about that state that makes people want to flee the Earth?
I`m honest, so when I say I took a "cat nap" that means that I slept for 18 hours and then pissed on your favorite shirt after I woke up.
It`s always the rednecks that know all the inner most conspiracies of the government.