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I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
It`s so cold out, I just seen a woman in 2 pairs of pajamas at Walmart...
Apparently, walking up behind a girl in the produce isle with celery in my hand and saying "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
What`s the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller" ?
I`m at an age where I no longer want to marry a doctor for his money, but rather for the prescription medications he can provide.
How to fall down stairs: Step 1 Step 6 Step 7,8,9,11
People who say, “Happy New Year” to you on the 4th of January are not really your friends.
Ever update an app and realize the "fixed issues" were all a lie and it will never be the same? That`s what going back to an ex is like.
Lately I`ve been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...
In America, someone is shot every 15 seconds ... How is that person still alive?
If you forget your hook-up’s name, just take them to Starbuck’s in the morning.
Thanks to Netflix I can tell my doctor I`ve done a lot of "marathons"
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.
I`m on my 5th coffee, just in case you`re wondering about the "other way" to get to Narnia .
I have a tattoo of a gigantic bruise on my left ankle in case anyone ever asks me to go hiking. Or help them move.