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Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please
Any question is a hard hitting question when it`s written on a brick and thrown full force at your face.
Condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she`ll get your paychecks.
Probably the most exciting feature on the new Iphone is the way it upgrades simple phone theft into full on finger removal.
Instead of cars warning us of stupid things, like the door is open, it should tell us useful things, like there`s a cop hiding in the bushes
I built that beach a sandcastle. Beaches love sandcastles.
I just don`t want to look back and think "I could`ve eaten that"
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
Alcohol: Because no good story starts with “So this one time I was eating a salad….”
They told me to never give up. Now they call me a stalker.
Sorry I wore tear-away pants to your wedding. In my defense I really thought I had on underwear.
Being an adult is 99% wondering how you hurt your back.
This movie has "adult content"? So, they`re gonna complain about back pains and setting up a 401k?
You can either wear granny panties OR yoga pants - not both. Pick one.
If you want to go running with me, you`d better be prepared to walk a lot.