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Sometimes all you need is $100,000
You cant ask "What do you mean by that?" without sounding pissed off
I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy sh!t.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
I`ve tried several times, but I can`t pet a cat without plotting world domination.
It appears that autocorrect has become my worst enema.
Calling someone with glasses “four eyes” isn’t an insult. Know what else has four eyes? Two sharks. Now you feel stupid.
´s status message is better than yours
Was at an Apple store today when I let out a really loud fart. Boy, the employee`s were so mad. Hey, Not my fault they don`t have windows!
Imagine how creepy the first guy to dress up as a clown must have been, where in hell did he get that idea?
Tupperware is so handy for those times when you feel like throwing out your food another day.
Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?
Sometimes I just bang my head on the keyboard and hope words form.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I’m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
You know you should goto sleep when the sheep you`re counting start hitting the fence.